“I saw you look at her the way you did. And it’s okay. I get why you
did it. I am not shaming you, nor am I judging you. But we will have to talk
about it because this very look will matter. It will soon become your
character.
Raising a boy in today’s world is beyond difficult. A boy…a man is now
come to be seen only as a potential rapist or murderer. In a train, girls would
prefer to stand than to sit on an empty seat next to a strange man. It is sad.
Very sad. But also true. I am sorry that you have to live with the burden of
the ghastly acts of other men. However, it is now up to you to change that
image. Please do not react like other men when if in life a random person on
the street snubs you. Please do not do the most obvious when your girlfriend ends
the relationship and leaves your heart wounded.
Please, my son. Because it’s not just you who will have to bear the
consequences. Fingers will point at your mother too.
Don’t believe people when they say that it was that woman who was
dressed up inappropriately. That the woman was suggestive in her behavior. That
she wants your wrong attention. That she is, in fact, tempting you to look at
her with that lustful look.
Believe only this - She can do whatever she wants to. But it is your
responsibility to treat her well. Regardless of what she is wearing, have the
audacity to look her in the eyes. Don’t blame her for your wandering eyes.
Don’t be the victim. Don’t say you are helpless when it comes to your eyes and
thoughts. They are yours. Have full control over them. Train them. Discipline
yourself to look at her...not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the
victim card, you will be lying about your upbringing, about all your values,
about what I have taught you.
You may argue, why didn’t she choose to wear proper clothes or choose
to not act suggestively. To that, I will say it’s for her parents to answer.
Maybe she didn’t have someone to tell her that. Or maybe she simply chose to
not pay heed to any of that. Either way, that’s not our concern. Your concern
should not be others.
Your concern should be you.
Don’t believe people also when they say that a woman’s body will cause
a man to sin.
That is nothing but convenient crap. And you are better than that.
Nobody makes you want to rape. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose
to do that. It’s not like you do not have a decision making power. You are
pretty clear about what you want to do about things that really bother you.
Because if you didn’t, then you wouldn’t have forced your way into going for
that Friday night party. And you wouldn’t have stayed up watching the football
match all night despite all our shouting. And you wouldn’t make a fuss at the
dinner table about ‘healthy food’.
Don’t do stupid things. Period.
Your father and I are not going to be around forever. So this moral
conduct, this social conduct has to come from within you. Do not look at
another girl in a way that she feels the need to protect herself not just
from your hands but also from your thoughts. Do not say that you didn’t have a
guiding light and hence, you strayed. And please, oh please do not expect
sympathy after doing wrong.
Respect
all women. Let her be confident. Let her explore the world in her own way.
Encourage that confidence. She is not the weaker sex. She is simply the other
sex. Look at her. Admire her. Don’t look at her as something that titillates
your senses. There is a lot more to her than her body.
She
too is intelligent. She too has a sense of humor. She will bring strength to
you as a mother, loyalty as a sister, love as a wife and pure bliss as a
daughter. Be with her. Enjoy with her.
Because
she too wants to be with you. Without the fear of being ridiculed, condemned,
judged or objectified.”
