Lately, I have been getting a feeling of uncontrollable anxiety. For no good reason, when I run into a boy and/or man, I start running in the other direction frantically with my hands raised in the air. I have also stopped functioning normally because I have noticed that I keep staring into my computer endlessly and even work slower than it does!
I gave going to the psychiatrist a thought, but learnt that the solution was at home. Because the problem was also there! My family worked on me and figured out that the symptoms I showed were of a troubled childhood.
The fear of marriage would be an exaggerated phrase. I am not afraid of it. I simply, I repeat, run in the opposite direction frantically with my hands raised up in the air. And not without reason. Let me explain from where I have developed the fear of the unknown (or the known, in this case)
Let’s give the reasons some names. For now, to make things simple, let’s hypothetically name them my mom, my dad, my bhabhi and my brother.
My mom and dad will soon celebrate their 30th anniversary. Yes, it’s been three whole decades since they stood in front of family and friends, looked into each other’s eyes and thought, “Who is this person?” After spending 30 years together and raising two children, at least one thing is clear, they still don’t know each other.
But theirs was an arranged marriage. What amuses me is that my brother and bhabhi, who arranged for a love marriage 2 years back, too, look at each other with the “Do I know you?” look.
And they sure don’t know each other. If they did, my bhabhi wouldn’t get annoyed whenever she finds my brother in his ill-fitting shorts on the couch on Sunday afternoon. If my dad knew my mom well, he wouldn’t be waiting patiently for her outside the mall when she is shopping. He would have simply rented a tow truck and used the hooks and chains to pull her out.
Despite not knowing each other, my mom and dad have somehow managed to stay married and together for 30 years. It may not be a big thing for those married for a good 50 years but it is truly amazing for my brother and bhabhi that they are still together. What is even more amazing for them is that my mom and dad still occasionally talk to each other.
It may sound a bit of an exaggeration but it’s not because just a month back, my brother and bhabhi spoke to each other. He asked, “Our anniversary is coming up. How do you want to celebrate it?” And she said, “I would like to try out the new Chinese restaurant in our neighbourhood. Do you want me to bring something home for you?”
My parents have been explaining the tricks of the trade to my brother and bhabhi whenever time permits. They revealed that the key to their successful marriage was my brother and me. Thanks to us, they never got to speak a lot to each other. With my brother and me being 10 and 6, at any given point of time one of us was singing and the other was screaming.
However, they also pointed out that with children around, they couldn’t have affectionate conversations. So they developed a special code (which they say happens very naturally during a marriage). Whenever mom wants to say “I love you”, she would say, “Are you watching your stupid CNBC again?” And whenever dad wants to say “I love you”, he would say, “So how many pairs of shoes do you need anyway?”
I must say, that my mom and my dad love each other tremendously, considering the number of times they have said it each day.
My mom and dad have evolved and matured slowly and gradually. Not like my brother and bhabhi. Two years into marriage and they are already able to communicate without saying a word to each other. For example, if my brother is on the couch watching a cricket match and a pumpkin lands on his head, he knows that my bhabhi needs help in the kitchen.
Marriage is all about special codes and romantic nothings. In spite of the bloodshed at home, my heart warms when I see my dad and brother feel incomplete, anxious, frenzied and clueless at a social function without their other halves by their side.
I guess, the brutality hidden underneath too has a special charm to it.
No wonder the Carpenters have said,
“We’ll find a place where there is room to grow...
...coz, we’ve only just begun...”
