Delusions of Life

What happened is sad. 25 years is not an age to die, and it is certainly not an age to end your own  life willingly. Life can get tough, everybody's is. Not just her; look around and you see almost every person struggling with their lives - be it in love or career or family.

Mothers have problems dealing with their teenage children, some women have problem conceiving altogether, fathers are struggling for that better job, that better pay because they have to support their family, kids are having a hard time performing well in all areas be it academic or play.

I am not a cold and cruel person to judge Jiah Khan's problems. I am not saying her problems are very trivial and not a big deal. Her problems must be really troubling. But so troubling that you took your own life? So troubling that you got free by killing yourself and leaving your loving mother to deal with the consequences? So troubling that you hold a fellow that you are supposedly in love with, responsible for your life-ending action?

Am no fan of this Suraj Pancholi. Hell, I hadn't even heard his name till now. So, I am not supporting him. But what was his fault? That he spoke to her rudely? That he maybe fell in love with her? That he maybe advanced his relationship with her under the false pretext of marriage? That he maybe even had an affair with another girl while dating Jiah also?

I agree all of the above deeds are morally wrong. No guy or girl should do this to another. It is the wrongest thing to do and raises fingers on his character and upbringing. But that doesn't mean he is a murderer! He can be the biggest scum on the face of earth. But not a killer.

He was 22 years old. He didn't know better. I don't think, people know what is right and what is wrong even when they reach a mature age. Who's to say that 50 year-old married men with two children do not indulge in infidelity every now and then?

My point is not to support Suraj or to simply accept infidelity as a way of life. My point is that girls need to be stronger. I say, we need to stop showcasing ourselves as the 'poor fragile lot'. That anybody will say a bad word to us and we will jump off the balcony.

After the Jiah Khan debacle, I am sure boys will be scared to commit to girls, fearing what the girl might do, God forbid, something went wrong.

We cannot live all our lives fantasizing about that perfect man and that perfect love story. It happens only in movies. Reality is way different. You cannot step into a relationship (not just love but even friendship) without considering the tiniest possibility that if not now but maybe after a decade, it just might not work.

Now tomorrow, if someone kills himself, saying that his employer chose someone else over him, or because he is troubling him at work, does that mean that the employer should be arrested? Well, if that's the case, then all the directors and producers in Bollywood should be arrested because Jiah also stated her failing career as a reason for her depression.

Who hasn't had a heartbreak? Who hasn't been given false promises? Or wait, who hasn't given another person a heartbreak? We all have been on the giving and receiving side of victimization.

Romance is delusional. A dangerous delusion. In fact, everything is a delusion when compared to the only reality looking at us in the eye - LIFE. Life is too precious to be sacrificed over things such as love and money.

There's a lot more to your being.

Book Review. Miracle Cure by Harlan Coben.

I want to read all of Harlan Coben books...aiming to be like the biggest fan ever ! Because seriously, his books are simply amazing. They take me to a totally different world, a world of lies and deception - with justification! Coben's characters never deceive without reason, they always have an excellent reason for lying...for deceiving..for disappearing...and even for murdering!

'Miracle Cure' is Coben's second book after 'Play Dead' but it is my 8th or something...and to be fair, I have read this after books like 'Tell No One' and 'Gone For Good' so my review for the book may be a little biased. Nonetheless, it is an amazing book dealing with an excellent topic. This book is about a subject that was hot in its times, 1990s..it is a story about AIDS.

The basic plot - There's a group of doctors who are striving hard towards the treatment of AIDS, and now they are this close to finding the cure. What they need is funds towards this cause. The biggies and politicians are unwilling to direct money towards AIDS for reasons well-explained. There's a couple involved - a journalist and a basketball player - and now people are getting killed one after the other.

Controversies...lies...deception..murders..they just follow as the pages keep turning. What I really liked in the book besides the plot of course, are the dialogues that the two sides exchange. The group that wants to cure AIDS explains very nicely why it is necessary to remove this evil from the society. On the other hand, the politicians who look down upon AIDS and the people who suffer from them provide an excellent counter argument. I do not agree with the argument, but I definitely appreciate Coben's writing style which makes the reader empathize with both parties.

Amidst all my work, I finished this book in three days. To be honest, I would give this book 4/5 stars and not a complete 5 because I have read other Harlan Coben books and they are far far better. But for someone who has no other Coben book for comparison, he will enjoy this book for sure!

Date a Girl who Reads

Date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with her closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, one who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she is the one because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants.

You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Let her know that you understand that words are love.

Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read, understand that all things will come to end.

Or that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recount her favorite novel under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.

If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

-Rosemarie Urquico

'Cook'ing up a story...

The Husband: My friend’s coming over this Saturday. Finally you guys will meet!

The Wife: Oh that’s awesome! Can’t wait! Finally I will see him in person rather than just talking on the phone with him.

The Husband: Yeah…so what are you going to make for dinner?

The Wife: Umm...can’t we go out for dinner? That will give us some time to actually talk.

The Husband: It would be nice if you make something at home. He should also know what a great wife and cook you are.

The Wife: *Frowns*

(The rest of the conversation is not mentioned here for reasons of abusive content but you, the smart reader can more or less imagine the rest of it.)

A regular conversation on a regular bright sunny day took a nasty turn for the 30-something wife.

She was eager to meet this friend. She was eager to have long talks with this fun friend. She would make him feel like a member of the house, and not a guest. Then why, why was it necessary for her to cook a meal for him to please him? Since he was just coming for the evening, why couldn’t they have that one meal at a restaurant? Wouldn’t it be better if they could talk about movies, and the economy, and work, and life over a meal served to them by angels called restaurant chefs?

Because. If they were to stay at home, things would be a little different. She would be busy making food two hours prior to his arrival. When he would come, she would sit with him for a few minutes only to be interrupted by the soup boiling on the stove. And then she would lay the table with bright new crockery and all the delicious recipes. When everything's ready, the men would make an appearance at the table. She would serve them. He would say all the wonderful things in the world about her food that he is still licking off his fingers. The wife would be delighted. The husband would be proud.
 

And then the two men would get up and head to the couch to continue their heated discussion about how the last basketball game could have been better if only Derrick Rose was back in the game. And the wife would gather up the dishes and wash them in the sink. Then after just an hour, she would also join the men where the friend would ask her about her life and how she is doing. Few more minutes and the friend would announce that it was time for him to leave. Goodbyes and see yous. The friend would offer genuine thanks to the wife. And a couple of nice meeting yous later, the friend would leave.

As stated before, if they were to stay at home, things would be only a little different.

And leave the wife wondering – “when did I actually meet the friend I was so eagerly waiting for amidst the mini tornado in the kitchen?!”

It brought her to thinking. Would it be such a bad thing if the wife proposed to go out for dinner instead of cooking at home? Would it be such a terrible idea if the wife asked to have a quality discussion over ready-made restaurant food? Would it be awfully sinful if she refused to spend half a day in the kitchen and instead preferred to actually chat and be friendly to the friend?

The husband said that it is good Indian tradition and values to greet a guest with food. The wife denied saying no to that. Maybe she did say no to being the provider of the food, but she didn’t say no to food per se. Maybe she wanted to use the excuse of the friend to escape what she did anyway for everyday of the week. Would that make her a terrible wife? And a terrible host?

So maybe, after the meal, the husband would be deprived of the words, “You have an amazing and caring wife back there. I had a great time with you guys!” Maybe he would have to hear “Your wife is amazing to talk to. She is fun to hang out with! I had a great time with you guys!”

Now, would THAT be such a horrible thing?

Why, thought the wife, is it necessary to prove to every outsider that she is a responsible and good wife? Why can’t this be reserved for the husband himself? Why does she have to prove her cooking skills and her multi-tasking talents to every friend and every relative? Isn’t it proven from the healthy and not-at-all-pale-and-not-sickly looks of the husband?

But the wife dare not say such words aloud, lest she may be labeled a feminist.

She would rather call her friends for dinner. And then she would ask the husband to get down on his fours and do a 100 push-ups so she can also show off to her friends what a wonderful man she has! J

Disclaimer: ‘The husband’, ‘the wife’ and 'the friend' in this article are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely co-incidental.

FB...and other drugs

The 72 year old woman walked into the ‘Facebook Addiction’ therapist’s office only to see that there was no place for her to sit. The room was fully occupied – old, young and even kids! She knew she would have to spend good time in the waiting room for her turn. She glanced over at the next room in the building, labelled ‘Smoking Addiction’ and wished she had a smoking problem for there were only two patients there and ample place to sit.

She walked into the room, passing by the crowd that was staring with wide eyes; either into the blank walls or into the screens of their smart phones. A young fellow with an over-grown beard and never-combed hair handed his seat to the old woman saying, “I am too anxious to sit anyway. I found nurses, engineers and technicians for my city. But I still don't have a contractor."

Next to her was a young boy in his early teens frantically shaking his legs. She asked him why he was so nervous and he said, “Before I left home to come here, I updated my status…it’s been 45 minutes since and nobody has ‘liked’ it yet…I really need to figure out what happened…why is this happening to me?!”

The woman said with a smile, “I know the feeling. When I started out on Facebook, I used to put up funny status updates, you know the kinds that are LOL-worthy…but there were times when none of my friends ‘liked’ my updates. So I returned the favour by not ‘liking’ their pictures. It’s okay. It will be all right.”

“You seem to be very mature. Why are you here anyway?”

“To kick off habits my family doesn't approve of…sigh..”

“How did it all start with you?”

“My best friend from college, all her fault…her son introduced her to Facebook and she sent me an invitation. I wasn't even aware of such a thing before!”

“And then you were hooked?”

“Oh yes! I created my profile and before I knew it, I found myself on Facebook more than five times a day…and more times at night. You see I have friends from other time zones so there are many updates to catch up on. My husband doesn't approve much of it. He doesn't like the light flashing in his eyes in our dark room in the night.”

“Why don’t you try hiding inside the blanket? I used to do that with my small TV to watch football, till my mother caught me…”

“Son, we all get caught”, she said with a contemplative look, “Why do you think I am here?”

“Why do you like it so much?”

“It makes me forget my personal problems. Everyone is so happy on Facebook. They are always attending parties and wearing colourful clothes. Nobody has a job or stress. It’s like I am living a Karan Johar film.

Also, this year I had the best birthday ever! So many people posted on my wall. Some even sent me a cake on Facebook. But I am upset at those who didn't wish me. I mean, it’s on Facebook. What excuse do you have for forgetting?! ”

“True. Say, how many friends do you have?”

“In the real world, I have 8 friends but on Facebook, I have 732. It makes me feel social and wanted. I am even friends with Mayank Shetty”

“Who’s he?”

“Dunno. But he’s got more than 2000 friends, so must be famous.”

“That’s true. Making connections is the best part about Facebook. I know exactly what’s happening in the life of my school classmate and her newest boyfriend. Not that we are great friends but it feels special to be informed.”

“Yeah, yeah…even I connect to my girls from school and college. I hadn't heard from them in decades but now it is good to know who’s working, who’s retired, who’s still beautiful, who’s not…I love browsing through their profiles and pictures…I have even copied from their profiles. Apparently they have seen all the latest movies and read all the latest novels. They even have great political and religious views. Impressive stuff!”

“Do you do anything besides checking others’ profiles?”

“Of course I do! I play a lot of games on Facebook.”

“Yeah. Like Cityville and Farmville?”

“No, Warlords. I am ‘the Undead’. Nobody messes with me!”

“Don’t you go out and meet people?”

“Nah..that’s too much work. It’s easier on Facebook, no need to put on make-up or look good…no need to take a bath or put on perfume. Everybody looks so pretty on Facebook because they put up only their best profile pictures. One of my girls is using a picture where none of her blemishes are visible. Go Instagram!”

“Which profile picture are you using?”

“I spent a lot of time looking for a good picture but I realized I didn't have any Facebook-worthy picture. You see in my times, we used to take pictures for memories…not for getting approval of others. So I had to get out of my house and go to the nearest beauty parlour.”

“To make yourself prettier?”

“Yeah, that too. I also took a picture with two of the most beautiful girls there. That’s the picture I am using. With those two beauties flanking me, nobody notices me and I get all the likes.”

“It’s all going good for you. Why is Facebook a problem then?”

“Last weekend, when I was on Facebook, I saw a message on my wall from my son: “Just thought you should know Ma, we have moved out of the house couple of days ago.”

“Oh my god! Then?”

“What else?! I unfriended him, of course!”

Something so ordinary...

Something so ordinary as the way you smiled at me

And made my day.

Something so ordinary as you moved the hair off my forehead

And said all those things I wish you would say.

Something so ordinary as your tucking the covers around me

Or just standing by the door and watch me sleep.

Such an ordinary look, and yet you looked deep inside of me.

Unknowingly you stilled something so restless inside of me.

Catching a little lie, so ordinary

Playing along, even more ordinary.

Something so ordinary your head in my lap

And my fingers in your hair.

Something so ordinary the sound of your breathing

My sense of comfort that you are still there.

Laughing at all my tantrums, something so ordinary

Missing them when I don’t throw them, even more ordinary.

Being yourself, something so ordinary

Being my whole world, not all that ordinary.

Such an ordinary life

Such an ordinary lack of momentum

Like we are caught up unawares in a loss of time

And then you unknowingly cover my hand

And tell me all over that you won’t leave.

Love will stay…

…In all your ordinary ways

“Very few people believe in God.”

“Of course they do. Billions of people believe in God.”

“Four billion people say they believe in God, but few genuinely believe. If people believed in God, they would live every minute of their lives in support of that belief. Rich people would give their wealth to the needy. No one would be uncomfortable in the thought that they might have picked the wrong religion and blundered into eternal damnation, or bad reincarnation or some other unthinkable consequence.

A belief in God would demand hundred percent obsessive devotion, influencing every other waking moment of this brief life on earth. But your four billion so-called believers do not live their lives in that fashion, except for a few.

They say that they believe because pretending to believe is necessary to get the benefits of religion. They tell other people that they believe and they do believer-like things, like praying and reading holy books. But they don’t do the things that a true believer would do, the things a true believer would have to do.

It is not belief to say God exists and then continue sinning. When belief does not control your most important decision, it is not belief in the underlying reality; it is belief in the usefulness of believing.”

-Scott Adams, God’s Debris: A Thought Experiment